Loosening Structures

The loosening and dismantling continues.  As i keep giving up being right, possessing, being attached to what i think i want i just keep feeling stunned.  I spent last year dissolving and feeling stunned.  This year i am still stunned but i had been struck with Light and stunned by bliss....until now.   Now the bliss is dissipating.  And i am beginning to see that not only am i the Light shining through all things.  But i am the different selves, taking all of the different perspectives of those individual selves. 

As i loosen my self sense, my structure of who i believe myself to be, i have a vague sense of myself as loosely being/becoming/ shifting in and out of all of the many forms.  In this sense, i can change, shift, inhabit the many different aspects of existence.   I loosely become them and as if in a dreamy state i am beginning to see that in a sense i am them.

And i don't feel "out of my body" in this.  From an experiential pov,  i have more of a sense of embodiment than i ever have before.  Now instead of feeling myself incarnated in one distinct form, i have a sense of the notion of shifting into and out of many different forms or selves. 

I can't really say that this feels good. It is disconcerting and yet i am really curious about it.  There's really no place to land, and the ego becomes like a house of cards....empty of anything substantial.   How is this useful?   It allows me greater compassion, understanding, freedom, flexibility, insight, openness to learning for starters.  Likely this will lead to a greater capacity for love, wisdom and skilful communication.

Next week on October 4th, i go to another Pacific Integral GTC seminar.  The last two have opened me in dramatic ways.  It's likely this one will, too.  Two weeks after i return, i go to Salt Lake City for 4 weeks to train in the Big Mind process with Genpo Roshi and Diane Hamilton.  There will be much practice in inhabiting many different selves, seeing that they are all constructs and opening to greater freedom.

And there will be much that is yet unknown.  The more open and loose in structure i can be, the more i will take in and the more expansion that will take place.  That is my practice.....to stay loose and become as much of it as possible while maintaining the integrity that is mine to carry.